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GREEN HOME SHOW #43: Green Expo and healthy living (continued): Part 2 Skits
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Overall Segment #2 – 12:00
Two old hippies Sponsored by: Energy Services Group
And now we join the Two Old Hippies, John and Todd, who are sitting on their back porch watching spring begin to bloom, some funny looking purple things, and the trees begin to bud… big red buds, about two weeks earlier than normal. It seems like such a great time to plan their Spring Gardens, as they take stock of their garden, funny looking purple things, Rex the dog, last night's Pink Floyd reunion concert in the same smoke-filled fire hall that they were in 40 years ago, and other worldly problems… all of which need a little TLC... as we join them, remember that “all we need is love”... and maybe a little coffee, incense, some fresh herbs, organic tofu and a bit of 60s optimism... and off we go... (Doug singing all you need is love)
John: I sure am glad we decided to sit awhile before we start planting the garden... that concert last night with the Pink Floyd 40th reunion, Watson Brothers, and the Sin City Band has left my head spinning... HEY!!!! do you see those funny looking purple swirly things over there?
Todd: Wooow man... I've been seeing funny purply things since ‘67... I was at this Eric Clapton concert... and we were sitting out front where the smoke was thick, and some dude in the balcony at the spectrum is throwing cherry bombs into the crowd... I was wide eyed, looking straight at the stage when one exploded right in front of me... it was a total freeze frame man! It was really cool… the explosion just froze man… yellows, pinks, purples, blues man... it was far out. Problem is... sometimes I still see it man.
John: Far out man... I can dig it.... I totally know where you're coming from... peace, love and Kennett Square mushroom soup... it was really cool last night when you turned your lighter up for the encore and torched your hair... good thing there wasn’t much left dude! Man you looked like Michael Jordan under a heat lamp Dude... that was was soooooo cosmic... how’s your head man?
Todd: It’s groovy… yeah that was pretty cool man… oh and those sprinklers man, they were like shootin’ multicolored water all over the place... you know, I might look funny ‘cause of that lighter thing man, but I think you need like LASIK surgery on your eyeballs dude... I saw you get up on stage last night scream something about a Guru/Spirit Flight and then you threw yourself into the mosh pit... except it wasn’t a mosh pit… it was the orchestra pit!
John: I know dude… I ended up landin’ right on the trumpet... every time I sneeze now, I play three bars of Miles Davis’s HOT BLUE... So where do you think we oughta put the garden this year man?
Todd: What’s wrong with the same place we put it last year dude? It’s oriented to the south, it's got righteous drainage, and it's in a place where the breeze will blow some of the bugs away from our plants.
John: Hey look man, there’s those little purple things again... what are they man?
Todd: I don’t see ‘em man. What did you take at the concert last night dude?
John: Dude, I don’t remember taking anything man… ‘course, I don’t remember much of anything after the first set man. So you think we should just leave the garden where it was? I guess that's a good idea ... we need to mess with the minerals man... you should ask our local garden dude what we should do to get the soil healthy again... Remember last year when you thought the tomatoes were the world's biggest cherries and you baked that giant cherry Pie? You thought you were gonna win a prize at the county fair and the judge ate like half of the before you realized it was made with tomatoes...
Todd: Yeah… and I almost won anyway man... I know some of those judges were far out too... That one judge had that “I heart Eric Clapton” button on man..... hey man, what’re we gonna do about bugs on our plants this year?
John: We’ll just use that bugs soap we used last year to spray on the plants, man… kept most of the bugs away and it was organic… let's try that again this year... it was a little more work sprayin’ those plants every day for while, but it worked awesome man! And those tomato pies were delicious man... hey dude, is that one of them purple fuzzy things again? Man, I sure wish I knew those were... they’re like followin’ me around man.
Todd: I think we should put up some extra fencing man. We can bury it about a foot into the ground, and then put dirt around it so the bunnies can’t get in...
John: I heard that if you spread and human hair around the edge of the garden, that it would keep the varmints out. We should try that dude!
Todd: Guess that leaves me out after last nite man... I only got like three hairs left.
John: Dude, you only had about six hairs to start with. Oh yeah and everybody knows that marigolds help to keep the bugs away man... Oh cool! I still have some of that chicken waste... that makes good fertilizer. Where'd I leave that fish fertilizer man? Last year I used the fish fertilizer from Alaska and man, I couldn't believe how things grew.... nothing like fish guts to give you soil some extra umphh.
Todd: Far out man... totally cosmic... recycling old fish guts fertilize our garden... that’s like this killer, cosmic, circular, ecologically karmic, kinetic, righteous, tubular, awesome relationship man...
John: Totally dude…Hey man… this year we should totally grow some plants that we can can at the end of the season, or juice up... like tomatoes, celery, onions, potatoes, asparagus…
Todd: Peas, carrots, brussell sprouts, corn, squash, pumpkins... all that stuff can be grown, harvested, eaten fresh and then anything leftover can be canned up for the winter man... what a great idea… dude you’re like on fire man!
John: Wow… far out... totally groovy... that canning is so like... it’s kinda like… sorta…wow dude, I’m so hungry... and there’s those fuzzy, purple things again... it’s like they’re waiting for me man...
Todd: DUDE! I hate to tell you this, but those little purply things... man, you’ve got grape jelly on your glasses again dude… that’s the nastiest thing I ever saw… it looks good on you though… hey how about like a pond near our garden? Or like a series of water falls... with plants and a gravel filter for the gray water from the house?
John: Far out man, cool... Hey Man... did you smell that?
Mission Possible – 5:00 Sponsored by: CMI Electric
Episode 4 – “Revenge of the 70’s & 80’s”
Mission Impossible music: do do dodo do do dodo do do dodo dodlldo
Voice: This week we find Doug Hunt, the smarter, younger, faster, and prettier brother of former “Possible Mission Force” (PMF) agent Ethan Hunt, is tied up with fellow PMF agent Bad Pritt after being captured while trying to infiltrate SNIEED headquarters in order to steal back the SNERS report and save the world. It appears that driving up to the Guard Shack in a Hummer that runs on vegetable oil was not as stealthful as they had originally anticipated. There is a silver lining however, as both Anita Reason in the Green Fox left the vehicle just prior to arriving at SNIEED, to follow their primal urge for french fries and cheese. We join the hungrier half of our heroes as they are about to eat the best fast food meal they’ve ever had, completely unaware that they are actually standing in what amounts to a front for SNIEED. In fact, the basement of the “Burg-in-Hand” is actually connected with SNIEED headquarters by tunnel, less than one half mile away, and their compadres are now actually directly below their feet in the SNIEED torture chamber.
GF: Why this is delicious… caramelized onion and an French Asian fusion Wasabi sauce for the fish sandwich.... I must say, this is a rather good for a fast food chain of restaurants...
AR: Yes and my fish was sautéed in a Southwestern sauce and served with a Mango Chutney... it's wonderful. I have a side dish of
GF: One must certainly appreciate a good chutney. Wait a moment… clean bathrooms, courteous service, French Asian fusion sauces, and a blueberry crème brûlée for dessert... I suspect that not all is as it seems. Something is terribly wrong here
AR: I'll say, I can't decide whether I'm going to go for the full-on tofu cheese melt, or the cherry chocolate parfait with real vanilla bean yogurt...
GF: No, no… that's not what I’m referring to, although looking at the menu, I would prefer strawberry over blueberry. What I'm trying to say is that I don't believe this is a real fast food restaurant.
AR: I know! It only takes two minutes to get your food and this stuff is great! And the pace settings are wonderful! Hey! You’re right. Something is rotten in Sweden. I wonder where they got these place settings.
GF: Denmark! Denmark!
AR: Really, you think they do mail order?
GF: No,no! Something is rotten in Denmark!
AR: Something’s rotten in Denmark and in Sweden? That’s unbelievable!
GF: Oh, never mind. It’s just that I believe that only a diabolical, Eastern European mind could think up such a thing... what supreme torture to know that such a place exists... but only as a cover for SNIEED... we must be very close to their stronghold...
AR: Are you saying that we won’t be able to come back here? There’re so many things on the menu I want to try.
GF: Not if we do our jobs correctly.
AR: That’s a shame… I really wanted to try the roasted salmon with the creamy peppercorn sauce.
GF: While that sounds delightful, I’m afraid we need to investigate. I didn’t mention it before because I hadn’t yet put the pieces together… but there’s a strange door in the men's lieu, all the way in the back... I think it may possibly be a secret passageway to the SNIEED hideout... let's go see if we can find out where that leads
AR: UHHH… Wait a minute Foxy. I m not sure that’s a good Idea...
Narrator: Meanwhile, just downstairs from where Anita and the Fox are eating, Doug Hunt, the smarter, younger, faster, and prettier brother of former “Possible Mission Force” (PMF) agent Ethan Hunt and his fellow agent Bad Pritt are being tortured by SNIEED Boss, Gunther Vulgermeat, who is trying desperately to extract critical mission information from our other heroes and ascertain exactly how much they know about SNIEED’s involvement with the stealing of the SNERS report. Vulgarmeat has no idea that PMF intelligence indicated that SNOT and/or SLIMED may have also been involved in the SNERS snatching.
GV: Well Mr. Hunt, it doesn't look like anyone is coming to save you... and you seem to be immune to all of the tunes from the 80s... except for disco duck.... let's see how you handled this Tune Of Torture, Mr. Hunt. (singing as Quacking disco disco duck disco disco duck)... so far no one has been able to make it past the duck without spilling their guts... Igor turn on the revolving mirror ball.... that should add to your pain...
BP: I'll talk!!! I'll tell you everything I know, right now... please just stop the duck... I can't take it anymore... and I wasn't even born in the 80s....
GV: I haven't even turned it on yet... just be quiet pretty boy.... you don't know anything I need anyway... you're just a has-been movie star trying to resurrect his career.... although I have to say, you’re doing very nice work rebuilding New Orleans... but that is beside the point... you know nothing of any value
BP: Dude... I know... I know... this is what will save the world... this is the secret... first we add more fossil fuel plants out the Midwest... and we make a vain attempt to filter out the carbon... then we separate the oil from the shale up in Canada and even though it's really expensive and environmentally costly... it’s our only hope to keep going as an oil based economy... please turn the duck off!!! And then we build some new nuclear plants... and that's how we save our country and our economy...
GV: Not terribly bright, is he Mr. Hunt... why Mr. Pritt, you're working for the wrong side... you could be one of our top SNIEED agents... Do you really think I’m so easily fooled by this reverse psychology!? Or was it simple stupidity?... Oh crap! It doesn't matter... that's not the secret formula that will save the earth... it's what were doing right now that's killing the earth... turn the duck up
DH: Nice try Bad... there's no fooling these guys... they're Eastern European... why who else would have thought of it? A Dutch burger joint out in the middle of nowhere... I'm sure no one's been able to figure it out yet.... you guys are killing me! What you don't know is that I loved Staying Alive, the Bee Gees, and Donna Summer... I mean how can ya not love Donna Summer? So pour it on fat man... give me your best shot. It’s only a matter of time before we’re rescued anyway... you're going to have to dig deeper into your archives to get me to talk...
GV: Actually I’m just getting started Mr. Hunt. Now I’m going to ratchet it up a notch... bring me the Osmand's Brother’s greatest hits!!!
DH: (with fear in his voice) Oh no… I'm not sure I'll be able to make it through that... not the Osmand's... not the Osmand's… please… no… haaa!!! Just kidding!!! I love the Osmonds!!! Whataya got? “One Bad Apple”? “Down by the Lazy River”? “Paper Roses”? Bring it on!!! You’re gonna have to do better than that!!! I only have one weakness and you’ll never figure it out!!!
Voice: join us next week as we follow our to heroes on their way to save their fellow agents past the stalls and urinals, past the automatic hand dryers, sneaking by the empty towel dispensers, through the secret passage and into the bowels of SNIEED headquarters: ... don't miss next week's exciting adventure of Mission Possible.