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GREEN HOME SHOW #28: Personal care and organic wine: Part 2 Skit and Audience Going Green Questions

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The following content is from THE GREAT GREEN HOME SHOW #28.

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Overall Segment #2 – 12:00

Prof. Cletus T. in his workshop - 6:00 Sponsored by: Energy Services Group

Doug: Today we are visiting Professor Cletus T. Beaumont at his workshop. As you may know, Professor Beaumont is the world's foremost authority on road kill and he’s been our roving green reporter since the very beginning. Now normally we send Cletus out to do a remote, usually where some new environmental disaster needs attention or reporting. However, this week we’re going to visit Cletus at his workshop which is out back of his house somewhere in an undisclosed location in rural, Cecil County, Maryland. We want to know what the man himself has been working on... what his projects and special interests are. Today the reporter becomes the subject and we’re here to find out the inner workings of this complicated and often misunderstood animal activist. So let’s see if we can get close to the man of mystery, the man of dark secrets, the man of many strange and succulent road kill recipes.

Professor is that you in there?

Cletus: (grumbling loudly) I sure hate to see all this waste... bein’ that my sewin’ machine is all broke down... now I gotta finish this possum pelt rug by hand… gotta get it done before Christmas, cuz I got so many more things to sew. Tommy's goin’ to get that deer skin rug, and I got so much stew frozen and labeled... hope I got those labels right… it might be confusing... oh well. Anyways, it's good stew.

Doug: Professor? Professor Cletus? It's Doug... Doug Hunt from the “Great Green Home Show” remember? We're here for an interview today?

Cletus: Sure Doug, sure I remember... how the heck are ya?

Doug: I’m great Professor. How are you?

Cletus: I’m doin’ fine young man. Let's see... walk with me... I've got so much goin’ on today... remind me what you're doin’ here?

Doug: Well actually Professor, today we want to talk about you… you know, what makes you tick, what keeps you going, what makes you so interested in dead animals on the side of the road? What’s your favorite roadside animal fatality recipe? What drives you to be such a soldier and a spokesman for the unsung and often overlooked roadside casualties?

Cletus: Why Doug, I'm sure that there's some very good answers to those questions and why I do what I do, but personally, I’m clueless as to what makes me tick, as most people are about themselves. So why don't you come in my shop here and take a look around and I'll show you some stuff that I'm workin’ on, and then maybe you can tell me what it is that drives me, after we visit some... anyways, come on in here and take a look at what’s cookin’, both literally and figuratively.

Doug: Okay Professor… let's see... hmm, let's look over here.... this looks like a very interesting table has what appears to be some curiously small clothes on it.

Cletus: Well that's newest table, with some of my latest prototype inventions. You see that little harness/vest there with the light on the chest that's about the right size for squirrel? This is a critter vest! This one’s actually a safety vest for squirrels.
You see it's got a light sensor built into it, and when a squirrel runs out inta the road at night, the headlights from an oncomin’ car set off a flashin’ light on the vest and hopefully the driver will avoid a collision... (proudly) I call it the “Varmint Vest”!
Now mind you, this is in the prototype stage, so I’m usin’ some of those road kill specimens over there (Doug goes...WOWWWW!) to size the vest.

Doug: I guess it helps that they’re kind of “stiff”, eh Professor? I mean, it’s got to be easier to try on the vests right?

Cletus: Well it can be a blessin’ and a curse Dougie Boy. It does make it easier to try on the vests for sizing and all, but after a couple days, the stink starts to outweigh the stiffness benefit. Anyway, it’s important to note that although these creatures have passed on to the great beyond, or on to my stew pot, as the case may be, their lives were not lost in vain... they’re bein’ used for scientific study. And while I recognize that they look kind of ridiculous with these vests on them, they’re servin’ a greater purpose.
O’ course, now that we’re at the beta testin’ stage, the hard part is gettin’ the vests on the live little buggers. I'm used to pickin’ up dead critters on the side of the road, not chasin’ and catchin’ livin’ varmints and dressin’ ‘em up. (pause for effect) I just know that’s not gonna to sound right on the Radio.....

Doug: I’m pretty sure it’s already too late Professor. I see some other sizes here. Are we working on vests for more than just squirrels?

Prof Cletus: Yep. So far I got vests for squirrel, possum, fox and raccoon. Unfortunately there’s no prototype yet for skunk. But we’re workin’ on it. Actually… just I'm working on it, cuz no one else will work on it with me. I've even got vests for dogs and cats. The hardest critter so far is the deer, cuz the vest just don't look right on ‘em. So instead, I'm devisin’ a kinda minor's helmet to hang around the deer's neck. The “Doe Glow”... still in the prototype stage, but it’s comin’ along.

Doug: That’s very interesting professor, but I’m not sure any of this gives us any insight into who you are or what makes you tick.

Cletus: I sure wish you'd quit usin’ that word “tick”. I ain’t got the Limes disease yet and with all what occurs around me, I got my fingers crossed.

Doug: I’m sorry Professor. I didn’t mean anything by it. We’re just trying to understand the “real you”.

Cletus: Well OK Doug… let me make this real easy for all the listeners, scientists and psychologists types.

Simply put... I love the planet we live on. I love what was provided for us when we humans, first arrived here... everything we needed was here… clean water, clean air, plenty of food, lots of places to run and play, lotsa space to have a family, you could travel across mountains, play in the surf on beautiful beaches... it was all provided for us, we didn't have to lift a finger.

And now I see animals everyday, who been hit by cars and left on the side of the road to die and it makes me think...

To me they represent, and are constant reminders of our inability to recognize what we have and where we are. Those poor creatures that are just trying to live their lives out in peace… only to have ‘em snuffed out by thoughtless people who, with a little bit more care and caution, could avoid hittin’ ‘em, more often than not. These unfortunate critters are a continual example of our inability to integrate ourselves into the natural world without runnin’ headlong into it, and destroyin’ it.

I mean, c’mon! Most people don't think twice about it.... most people think that they got a right to drive just as fast as they want on any road they choose.

The real problem here is entitlement. People have taken this world and its bounty for granted for way to long... well, the Bill’s now due, and it’s gonna take all of us to pay it over time. Ya see, it used to be that people couldn't see the forest for the trees. But soon they probably won’t even be able to see the trees cuz we’re cuttin’ ‘em all down. People can’t see into the future, and they sure as heck ain't learned much from the past.

So you see Doug, it seems like a crazy hillbilly preoccupation with those creatures on the side of the road, but it comes from a really deep and carin’ place inside me.
In their world... the critter’s that is… they’re valiant survivors. They have families, they live out their lives without war or abuse... yes… it's a jungle out there, but they seem to lead their lives without careless slaughter of each other... you see we are aimlessly destroyin’ the very natural systems that we should be learnin’ from. So my stews, my pelts, my rugs and my anti-accident varmint vests are really my small attempt at puttin’ attention to the very place we still need to look… and that's ourselves, where we fit and how long will we’re gonna fit here.

Doug: Well Professor that sure is an awful lot to think about. I guess maybe we could all stand to stop and reflect on how we sometimes feel entitled and how, maybe, we can change the way we think about living in our natural world.

Cletus: Well that's great Doug… some people do listen sometimes, after all. Changing is the hard part... good luck...

Now look… I hear your guest today is an organic wine specialist. I have some tips for him... you know a lot of people don’t know what wines to pair with some of my best roadside recipes…

Doug: Uh, Professor....

Cletus: You see I like an hardy Cabernet or Shiraz with possum stew... it really seems to wake up the deep and robust flavors... now my ricotta raccoon roast deserves a light and fruity white wine... like a Pinot Griggio. Ya know, something with...

Doug Thank You professor, we’ll be sure to bring that up during our next segment. And thanks again. It was wonderful visiting with you and we'll see you next week.

Listener Letters – 5:00 Sponsored by: CMI Electric

It’s time for Listener Letters. What do we have Doug?

The first letter is from Ginny Armester of Elkton, MD and she asks: I live in Elkton Maryland and want to start recycling. Can you tell me where I can contact someone about picking up my recycled materials?
1. Sure, curbside recycling is available in the following communities. You should place your recyclables (including phonebooks) in their curbside recycling bins for pickup for restrictions and further information, contact these numbers....
And for those outside of these areas, Signature Services now has a brand-new recycling pickup service and it's free to those who are already getting their trash pickup from Signature. So contact your local Signature trash pickup service and see if they have they can help you. I believe they provide the pickup bins also.
Our second question comes from Tom Spark of Wilmington, DE. Tom asks: After last week’s show I would like to know about places where I can find and buy Green products. Is there like a Wal-Mart’s that sells environmentally responsible products?
1. There are lots of places where you can buy environmentally responsible products green products so let's give you a few.
  1. www.realgoods.com. These are home products everything from clothes made from bamboo fibers to organic lotions, to home cleaning products. It is kinda like a small Wal-Mart's for green products. These guys have been around for as long as almost anybody and they have a great inventory of non-toxic and environmentally responsible products.
  2. www.greenhome.com this is also another green home products site. A little bit newer than real goods but there is some variety and you may find some products that aren't at the real goods site. It's also good to compare prices as the green markets are becoming more and more competitive for your socially responsible dollars. Remember, where you spend your money is where you influence growth. And that's economic growth for many new green companies and sustainable growth for many of the older green companies.
  3. In another helpful site which I use a lot is www.ciwmb.ca.gov/rcp/default.asp.
    Now I know that's a long title to remember so I will repeat it........
    This is a great site because it gives you a directory of recycled content products and in some cases, it will give you the percentage of recycled content so that you can compare products such as siding, deck planking, paper, and other products which use only a percentage of recycled material. It's great because you can really support the companies who are using a higher percentage of recycled content and not just floating on a small percentage so that they can cash in on the green dollar.

Naturally, also check GREENandSAVE.com for products that have been well researched.